So I get the poker itch and head out in my brand new Navigator around 1am. To be honest, I just bought it used with like 40,000 miles on it, but its new to me and has every bell and whistle I always wanted in a car. So I roll down the turnpike to the casino and its been a while since I have been and miss the exit which pisses me off, but I recover and end up in the casino parking garage ready to commit ownage on some locals. Before I go in I spark up what turned out to be very low grade stink bud, and while listening to some vintage Def Leppard, some ancient lady with her Weekend at Bernie husband raps on my window informing me my lights are on. Geez thanks Mother Teresa, you damn near gave me a heart attack thinking it was a cop, or worse.
So I go into the casino and the place is near deserted, like a swine flu alert was issued or something. Granted its 1am and the economy sucks but I think there should always be more patrons than employees in a casino.. So I go to the poker room and there are two tables going, one table is 3/6 limit the other is 1/2 NL. What a sad sight. So I sit down at the NL table with my $200 rack and see what is the dregs of humanity. Cab drivers, Denny's waiters shit like that. I immediately go Manson on the table raising out of position and spiking rag after rag. I am belting down grey goose after grey goose tipping the waitress infinite and telling her the tips are courtesy of the table. Everyone is seething and I run my stack up to $350 in an hour and that does not include the $50 I was tossing to the waitress bringing Goose as quick as I could hammer them back.
So I am picking up blind after blinds essentially skull fucking the table and I get a hand I hate, JJ, never know how to play this. I raise it to $50 pounding back a goose and indian cab driver goes all in. Bascially I have the table tilted and I snap call out of turn and the whole fucking table gets in my face telling me I am out of turn. So the orbit finally gets to me and I reannounce my call and flip over my jacks and he defiantly shows AA. Bascially he has me covered and the whole table starts to laugh, right until the flop when I spike a filthy set to the horror of all. Cab driver in his Hindu accent states "dat is wrong", right up until he hits his set on the turn and he fist pumps like 10 times in the air. The river appears to be a blank, and I was shitfaced at this point, and there is a ghast as I am reaching for my wallet to pull out a bill. I have no idea what is happening and cab driver is freaking out and dealer is pushing chips in my direction, as the "blank" turned out to be a sick flush for yours truly.
I now have $700 and I begin to unleash filthy content on the whole table. I promptly suck out and re-crack another AA with J9o and my stack is now Manute Bol, I can't even see over it. I keep reminding the table they are making numerous Nav payments and my stack is now approaching $1,100 within minutes. Then, out of the clear blue I get a tap on the shoulder. Large casino dude asks to see me away from the table and informs me while the Casino appreciates my business it is strongly suggested I tone down my smack. Oh, and the goose is cut off and that is non-negotiable, my protest quietly ends with the gentle ape like paw that ends up on my shoulder with the repeated "no more alcohol" comment. There is "negotiable" and "non negotiable" and this was the latter. Anyway its like 5am and decide to leave as I am truly sloppy right now.
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